Lifetimes Ago
by Gemmaaaaa
Summary: Since the death of Arthur, Merlin has been waiting...Waiting for the return of not only Arthur, but the knights, Gwen and especially Morgana.


One would think being around the large metallic beasts that roamed the streets for the amount of time, he would become used to them. The large blue...Truck he believed it was referred to...Or was that a car?...He wasn't sure. Nor frankly did he care.

And there it was...He paused his walk for a few moments to allow the painful memories to wash over him; the large tower where Arthur rested until the world needed him again. He could almost see the small boat carrying the once King off. After another moment he moved on and continued his walk.

How times had changed...He had lost _everything. _Everyone.

It was only two short years before Gaius slept for the final time; a peaceful passing, something of which Merlin was extremely glad. The two had shared their tearful goodbyes moments before the physicians eyes had closed for the last time.

Gwen had never remarried, despite what her other advisors had suggested thus she never birthed any children and the Pendragon dynasty had ended with her death. It was then Camelot fell into an alliance with Mercia; one which forever united the two realms as one country - England.

Although he had remained in this new kingdom, he had never returned to his once home; never made himself known publicly...Instead adopting many alias' to conceal his true identity as his real name had been used in re-moulded and exaggerated tales of his life. Some of the 'legends' were almost laughable to Merlin...Tales of himself and Nimueh as loves, of Morgana baring Arthur a son...He shuddered at the very thought. Of course there were many others...Too many to consider, although none were true. The true stories of Arthur had been forgotten, lost with time.

He had written the _true _stories himself; lest he ever forgot anything. The process had taken long painstaking months; with several sessions ending with Merlin weeping.

After the death of Camelot and the birth of England, Merlin had retired himself to Morgana's hovel content to live the rest of his days there; of course the sheer loneliness had been soul destroying in more ways than one but what was truly worse was the reminders of Morgana everywhere. Her death was one he simply _could not _think about.

Whilst living where she once had, he had felt close to her. Closer than they had been in life. More often as the days passed, he wondered what had been the point of it all? Of destiny, of fate, of magic? It had led to _nothing_. Before his eyes sorcery had began to die, to be forgotten. Soon it was near impossible to find someone gifted with magic.

However, worse than the end of sorcery...Merlin became aware that he was not aging. When the realisation that he was condemned to live through lifetimes had struck his mind, he had screamed, cried, cursed and wept.

He had merely wanted to die, to join his friends, to be _happy_ in the afterlife. Of course he knew Arthur was not there but his mother was, Gaius was, the knights were there, as was Gwen and Freya. And he prayed to the Gods Morgana had found redemption in the afterlife alongside them all, he had prayed that she found peace at last.

He wanted to join her; to join them all.

Finally he had accepted his new fate; to await Arthur's return, he had reconciled himself to an eternal life, if it meant he could see Arthur again. Perhaps that would make everything worth it. That's what he told himself through the despairing loneliness that threatened to consume him.

Monarchs ruled, died, and new monarchs assumed the throne; there had been wars over the damned chair, Merlin had enough of wars for a...Lifetime. As these new Kings ruled, his Gods were outlawed, Christianity consumed the land. It became the one true religion, sorcerery became known commonly as witchcraft. He shuddered at the memories of the witch hunts...He had _truly _believed Uther had been reborn in those times and had ridden to what was known as the English court to find out for himself. The very thought of living under Uther's tyranny again was unbearable to Merlin.

Because if Uther had been reborn then perhaps everyone else would be? Perhaps Morgana would be...And by the Gods had be prayed for that; More than he had prayed for Arthur's return. He missed their arguments, missed the fire, the rage and the _desire. _The hatred fuelled by the love...They had both made mistakes and he awaited the day they were given a new chance.

Alas it had not been Uther, reincarnated.

Another time Merlin's hopes had been raised was the description of Henry VIII's second wife, Anne Boleyn...Her charms, beautiful dark hair, slim figure, wits and ability to stand for herself against men...He had been convinced Morgana had been reborn then.

However this time he did not ride to the court to investigate; because if this Anne was indeed Morgana then he could do nothing...Once more they would be separated, this time by a marriage. And he _could not _see Morgana married to another man...He just couldn't. So this time he stayed away; he blocked it from his mind, even when he heard that the woman had birthed a daughter. However he did eventually hear news of this English Queen that indeed had him convinced Morgana had been reborn.

Anne Boleyn had been arrested for witchcraft.

But when Merlin saw the poor woman upon the scaffold...It was _not _Morgana.

Centuries past and Merlin grudgingly had to leave what once was Morgana's hovel, and live in one of the stone houses human's had invented. But he feared his lack of aging would cause strife so chose a isolated area to call home; one not too far from Avalon.

**xoxox**

His decision to use the aging spell sometimes when he ventured to the outside world...One which he hardly knew anymore, was one of his best in Merlin's opinion. On the day the damned blue...Truck...Car...Beast passed him, he was disguised as Dragoon. He entered his small home and closed the door with a sigh before reversing the aging spell. He stopped to look into the mirror, seeing himself staring back. Still twenty-four years of age.

It had been four years since he had left Morgana's hovel, and _finally _it seemed his friends were returning. Firstly he had met Gwaine in a pub...Where else would he have found him. Thank the Gods Merlin hadn't used the aging spell that night. Gwaine seemingly worked behind the bar in this life, an escaped chuckle escaped his lips at the thought. His next thought was, what if the once knight didn't remember him?

That thought rang true because when Merlin introduced himself, the man preformed the stereotypical hair flip and unknowingly re-introduced himself:

"Alright there mate, it's Gwaine."

But it didn't matter to Merlin, his friend was back. Gwaine led him to the other knights who had all retained their names from their first lives and soon Merlin was accepted into the social group.

He literally walked into Gwen outside of a library one day.

"Sorry...God...I'm a klutz!" He murmured, carefully referring to 'God' rather than the 'Gods' he usually did, as he helped the woman pick up her books. Then he looked up to see none other than the last Queen of Camelot smiling at him. Her brown curls reached to her mid-back as they had in Camelot, she looked exactly the same as she had the months before she married Arthur.

"I'm Guinevere...But people usually just call me Gwen...Well my friends do...But you can too! That's not to say we're friends...Unless you want to be?" She rambled and Merlin had to repress the urge to hug the woman and swing her around. He handed the last of the books to Gwen and his jaw had almost dropped when he read the title.

"_Le Morte d'Arthur."_

"The Arthurian Legend interests you?" He asked amazed...Did Gwen remember?

"Oh yes, King Arthur specifically. The tales of his courage and bravery..." Her eyes revealed that she had lost herself in thought, and the small smile upon her face warmed the warlock's heart.

"You should come and meet my friends" he began, desperate to reintroduce the group to their Queen. "Gwaine is serving at the pub today-"

"Do you know my brother Elyan?" Gwen laughed and Merlin wished to jump with joy, everything was falling into place once again. And within ten minutes Merlin had led Gwen to the knights, for an afternoon of laughter. If only they could remember...He thought wistfully, but he would gladly settle for their lack of memories if it meant they could all be _happy _together again.

**xoxox**

He had met Gwen two years ago, and had never used the aging spell again, of course he was aware he of the fact he did not age...And he was concerned that he would have to leave the group, unless Arthur rose again. _If _Arthur rose again.

But at the moment life was _perfect_. Gwaine and Percival had become a couple, and Merlin was truly happy for them...Lancelot had managed to meet Elena and they were engaged to be married within the year. Leon and Mithian were in love, and happy now too; even Elyan had found someone too. It seemed he and Gwen were condemned to be forever without their loves.

Arthur had yet to rise, and it seemed Morgana too had not been reincarnated. She would come...One day, one day he would see her again. That was his mantra. His rise had become even more important than Arthur's in his mind. Because in truth, he had hoped he would have found her again. He wasn't even sure if she would ever be born again, or if she would remember him or not...He wasn't sure which was worse. And would she, like him, have retained her magic?

Only three months later and he was beginning to believe he would never see Morgana again; he entered his home and his senses immediately told him someone was there. His magic hummed beneath his skin, ready for use. He walked into his bedroom to see a figure upon his bed. Long legs, clad in tight trousers...Jeans...He believed they were called. His eyes snapped up to see _her._

Morgana.

Morgana was lying on his bed, she was _alive_.

He swallowed, his heart thumping so loudly he believed she could hear it. What should he say? Did she remember him? If she didn't then what the hell was she doing on his bed...Reading the book of his memories...

"You always did have an impeccable memory Merlin." She broke the silence, and Merlin breath all but stopped. She _remembered_. Gods it had been centuries, lifetimes...

"Morgana..." Was all he could choke out. He didn't know what to do, what to say...What did one say in a situation like this?

"You must have questions, I suppose?" She _finally _lifted her eyes from the page and looked at him. His jaw was still open and he took a step towards her. She was still lounged upon his bed almost too comfortably.

"Plenty of them." He answered, their eye contact still unbroken.

"Well...Where to start..." She trailed off, seemingly deep in thought. He noticed her once curly hair was not straight and slightly shorter than it had been. "Well, I suppose I should start from the beginning, yes I died that night..." She stated so frankly that he flinched. So he had killed her. "But I awoke, days later. In the same spot. And I've been living ever since. Different lives, different names...I imagine you know what I mean."

She had been alive all this time? Gods, if he had known...He would have found her sooner. He had meant to return to her body, and give her a proper burial...But in his grief he had forgotten...His eyes closed to block out the guilt. Still he said nothing, he sensed her story was not over yet.

"I returned to my hovel but I found it was being _used_." She smirked, that amused smirk she had aimed toward Arthur, when she was mocking him...She tipped her head slightly and Merlin almost smiled back. Almost.

"Why didn't you come to me?" She could have ended the loneliness that engulfed him for lifetimes! Why had she sentenced them both to such misery?

"Because I hated you." She shrugged as if, her deep hatred of him was nothing of importance. But to him, it was _worlds_ collapsing.

"And now?" Her back was turned to him, as she investigated his possessions scattered throughout the room. She slowly turned to face him again, her heeled shoes making a slight scrapping noise against the hard wooden floor.

"Now..." She stepped closer. "Now I forgive you." Closer. "For everything." They were inches apart. They hadn't been so close since...Since he had killed her. "Do you forgive me?" She whispered and suddenly the confidence that radiated from her faltered. And finally he allowed himself to move, to hold her waist with his hands.

"I forgave you lifetimes ago Morgana." He whispered before slowly...So _slowly _he leaned down and gently pressed his lips against hers...Although it was never gentle between them, and soon their lips were battling, their tongues dancing together as hands ripped clothes from each other's bodies as whispered apologies escaped their mouths throughout.

**xoxox**

"What do we do now?" Merlin whispered against her bare shoulder, as they lay in the aftermath of their first lovemaking...Although he wasn't sure there was love involved; on her side at least. But it _was not _just sex.

"What do you mean?" Came her sleepy reply.

"You...And me...What do we do? Should we leave, our lack of aging will be noticed sooner or later..." It was then she turned to face him.

"What? Of course we'll age...Now that we're together..." When she noticed his confusion. "I suppose you never found Aithusa?" She sighed sadly and closed her eyes.

"No...I called to her...But she never came...I waited _hours _for her. I assumed she was dead." He allowed a tear to escape, his sorrow for the baby dragon that had suffered so much, the dragon that had turned against him.

"Yes, she died Merlin...But not before she passed the last of her knowledge onto me." Morgana's eyes fell to the sheets they lay tangled in, he knew of the great love Morgana held for that dragon. He wiped the stay tear from her eye and closed his own when she flinched.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered...

"I understand." He placed a kiss upon her forehead. It would take time for them, in the heat of passion all of their transgressions toward each other had been forgotten, but now, in reality; they had to work past them. To build trust once more. They may have forgiven each other long ago, but the wounds were still fresh.

She played a hand in Arthur's death.

And for that he would never forgive her.

But he would try to forget.

"What did Aithusa tell you?" He attempted to ward off the dark thoughts of Arthur's death desperately and she must have sensed it because she clung to him tighter.

"That when we are all together again...Everyone that is...Including Arthur...Then we shall we shall live normally once more. We shall age and my..." She trailed off once more sounding unsure of what to say.

"Your what?" He began playing with parts of her hair, it was as soft as he had always imagined it would be.

"My...Fertility will return." Her voice was rushed as she spoke.

"You mean...You can't?" He spluttered and sat upwards forcing her upwards also. He hadn't even thought of fertility and children, but knowing Morgana had, had the option taken from her...It was just cruel.

"No...Well not until my brother rises anyway." She crawled onto Merlin's lap and smiled widely, "last night...I had a vision of Arthur awakening." She waited a moment to allow the information to sink in and watched as he slowly mirrored her expression.

Arthur was returning...Morgana was back. He _forgave _him!

He quickly tackled her back into the sheets with an over joyed laugh.

Although he didn't have all of the answers at that moment, or even the knowledge of what he and Morgana would be but _they forgave _each other and Arthur was returning.

That was all that really mattered.

**xoxox**


End file.
